Tuesday, January 20, 2009

another one of those nights...

I am feeling sad and withdrawn tonight.

The ringing of course is relentless.

I ripped my knee up playing hockey and was not able to go on an annual winter get away to a friend's cottage as a result. I can't play hockey right now and must find another way to exercise. Physio. Joy!

I seem to be in the dog house yet again. Not sure why, yet again. Probably my fault too.

Work muddles along in no spectacular fashion at all. I often feel completely inept on the job and don't really feel like I am supported by my employer. That despite knowing that he greatly appreciates what little I am able to do.

Did I say that the ringing is relentless.

My hand is STILL healing form "minor" surgery in September!

Our housing situation is no further along.

Going to bed means putting on that bloody CPAP mask and sleeping with a hose attached to my face. Haven't had an uninterrupted sleep since I go this "gold standard" of treatments for apnoea. There is no joy in bed time now. And all this so that I may live to see another day. Thanks a lot.

I am yet again sitting in front of the computer in my office, alone, whining here, doing nothing. Being sad. Being disappointed by my body - feeling that it is somehow letting me down. Frustrated. Angry. Mostly sad and alone.

And all I can hear is the fucking ringing! It must stop. It all must stop. I deserve to and very much need to be happy. I don't know if I can do that with this fucking ringing 24/7. It must stop.

No comments: